Author's note

It's funny to look back at this piece through the prism of time. While there are some things in this that I still agree with: as the world's only super power we should be more involved in ending the oppression and terror that goes on in the "non-oil producing" parts of the world, the support for those brave men and women, many thousands of whom have died protecting us, there are many things I now disagree with. I admit that I was taken in by the Bush administration's propaganda. The premeditated approach to and build up to this war will probably be viewed in the near future as a war crime (and rightly so) but it is doubtful that anyone will ever be called to task for it. What a democracy needs and depends upon is pompous windbags. If Jefferson, Adams, Franklin et al were alive today they would probably be considered such. It was thier foresight to protect that freedom that makes this Country the greatest one on the planet and it is because of the fear of that freedom that the Cheney/Bush administration has tried to squash it.

I leave the original manuscript intact here as a lesson to myself and with apologies to Martin Sheen, Janeane Garofalo and the Dixie Chicks

Anti-anti-war
Tony Boswell 2003


It's not that I'm against being anti-war. It's that I'm against saying stupid things when you don't know what you're talking about. This war, and to call this a war is akin to calling a fight between Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson a boxing match, yes it would be fun to watch but it's not as if it's for a title or anything, but this war is a neccesity. And it falls on our shoulders to fight it.

The pompous windbags like Martin Sheen and Janeane Garofalo and the ditz from the Dixie Chicks who are spouting rhetoric as if they were elected to any office or as if anyone really cared what they thought are the ones who are behaving in the most un-humanitarian way. I personally care about the Iraqi people and I don't want to let the madman continue to use his oil to spill their blood. Don't get me wrong, I think that "The West Wing" is one of the best shows on television. However, unlike Martin Sheen I realize that Jeb Bartlett got even less of the popular vote in the last election than George Bush. I would not pay to hear George W. sing or to see Donald Rumsfeld do Shakespeare. And likewise I don't want to hear Martin Sheen give policy speeches.

These peaceniks who don't want this fight, and mind you no one is asking them to fight. We have brave young men and women who volunteered to do that and are doing it with honor and pride. But these whiners like Sheryl Crowe, who's brilliant foreign policy is; "The way to have peace is to not have enemies" are the same pussies who wouldn't stand up for the social misfit who was getting beaten up by the football team in high school because fighting is bad.

Anti-war doves try to make it sound as if those who disagree with them are pro-war, in the same way that pro-lifers try to make pro-choicers seem to be pro-death. Well you know what, I am pro-war, at least in this case. I am pro-this war. I am pro-finishing this war like we should have when we started it 12 years ago. I am pro-remove-butchering-dictators war. I am pro-we should have started this war when gas hit $1.20 a gallon and when the DOW went below 8000 for the first time. I am pro-we should have started this war a long time ago because something finally took all the goddamn reality TV shows off the air. (Except for American Idol, that Clay is so cute.)

Saddam Hussein is an asshole. Yes, I'm out on a limb with that statement. Let's hope a stiff breeze from a passing SCUD doesn't blow me off. A SCUD which, by the way, Saddam SWORE HE DIDN'T POSSESS and then somehow miraculously found to launch against Kuwait at the outset of this "baseless, unfounded" conflict.

With great power comes great responsibility and since we are the only super-power left we have super-responsibility. By the way as a super-power what exactly are our powers? I hope it's invisibility. X-ray vision would be cool too. And our responsibility is to help oppressed people shake off the yoke of tyranny no matter the cost and no matter the place, unless of course it's Saudi Arabia or China or North Korea or Palestine. Yes, our greatest sin is that we do not force other countries to be better more often. Our complacency over the last decade has allowed Saddam and his gang to torture and murder countless thousands in his country while we enjoyed one of the greatest economic booms of modern times. While 24 year old internet millionaires were practicing conspicuous consumption here, Saddam was torturing and murdering his own people there. Well, not exactly his own people. He has practiced restraint. He usually only murders Shiite muslims and Kurds and leaves the Suni muslims alone. (note: replace Iraq with Germany, Saddam with Adolph, Shiite and Kurd with Jew and in this scenario France with France.)

The same rights and privileges that allow Martin Sheen to speak out as if he really were president, that permits Janeane Garofalo to express her opinions on television, carry with them the burden of protecting the weak and the oppressed. In Iraq the only acceptable chant that can be said in a public demonstration was "Saddam is great". Young men would chant this in the street not because they meant it but because it was all they could chant under penalty of death. Like the parrot who tells the shop owner every morning, "F**k you" until the shop owner finally says if you say that one more time I'm going to twist your head off so the parrot starts saying, "You know". The Iraqi chanters aren't saying "Saddam is great". They are saying, "You know". There are no Iraqi comedians at the Komedy Kibutz in Basra doing bits about how bad Saddam's moustache is. They can only say how great he is and ask how many Kurds it takes to screw in a light bulb. (The answer by the way is two. One to hold the bulb and another to call the USA for help.)

Remember, those who do not learn from history's mistake are destined to rent "Biodome" on video cause the box looked fun.